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Jon Mark Beilue column
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Mustard on beans never sounded so normal

March 25, 2016 noon

It’s a jungle out there, and rest assured, someone is slapping peanut butter on the foliage and eating it.
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Auto-correct can be very ‘fresh wrong’

February 26, 2016 11:18 a.m.

That’s auto-correct. For every one word it corrects to the right meaning, there’s 10 nonsensical words in its place.
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Embrace the Winter – or something like that

January 29, 2016 10:54 a.m.

Yeah, I’m going to Embrace the Winter all right. I’m going to put my arm around this season, and start to squeeze, and then take my hands and tighten my grip, and squeeze more and more and yell maniacally and laugh hysterically…
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Does anyone have some grandkids I could borrow?

December 25, 2015 9:44 a.m.

I’m flat missing out on one of the truly revengeful joys of life – spoiling your grandkids rotten and then sending them back to your kids for them to deal with.
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Christmas TV specials aren’t showing their age

November 25, 2015 9:25 a.m.

’Tis the season – the season for animated Christmas specials.
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Showers of blessing beat a bath every time

October 23, 2015 10:04 a.m.

If baths are so great, why aren’t they at health clubs, workout facilities and locker rooms?
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Education communication: It’s MB (Mind-Boggling)

September 25, 2015 9 a.m.

Teachers speak in a closed world of acronyms and abbreviations that WPTMTS (Would Put the Military to Shame).
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TV, food: a marriage to have and to hold

August 28, 2015 9:15 a.m.

September 10 is TV Dinner Day. It was on that day in 1952 – some 63 years ago – C.A. Swanson & Sons debuted the first TV dinner.
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The Saturday shopping experience like no other

July 24, 2015 10:37 a.m.

Why are these Wal-Martians like Big Foot and the Loch Ness monster, rumored to have been seen elsewhere but yet no one can offer definitive proof of their existence except pushing a cart at Walmart?
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Don’t yell, but it’s time to try a new national anthem

June 26, 2015 9:37 a.m.

I’m not saying get rid of the national anthem – nothing of the kind – but we should think of shelving “The Star-Spangled Banner” for a new national anthem.
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