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Heartache and the Holidays

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The leaves have fallen, cold weather has drifted in, and holiday preparations are upon us once again. This festive time of year can bring great comfort, and yet so many struggle with depression and heartache. The holidays appear to bring joy, yet those who have lost someone, who have had financial setbacks, or face a difficult family situation can find the holidays to be a very anxious time.

There seems to be societal pressure or an expectation that everyone should be happy and surrounded by love, warmth and peace. There is a component to depression that has a seasonal pattern, and it is often referred to as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). This cycle can emerge in the fall and last through the winter. Women comprise 60 to90 percent of people with a seasonal component to depression. This type of depression also affects young people. It is very important to have realistic expectations and right priorities when preparing for the holiday season.

Set realistic expectations. Allow for time and space without over-committing yourself. If this past year has involved change and loss, then expect the holidays to be tougher this time, though manageable. Realize that it’s okay to say no to certain functions, parties or family events if you know it will be too overwhelming for you. Be honest with yourself and know your limitations.

Take time to care for yourself. Carve out time to go for a brisk walk or exercise, make a cup of hot tea and relax, keep a journal, or plan something new for family get-togethers. Give yourself permission to grieve over your loss and realize it is better to be genuine and get support then hold onto the pain and grieve alone.

Incorporate past joys into present hurts. Find a way to honor your loved one such as creating a memory book, telling the stories of their life and journaling through the pain. With all the busyness of the season, it is not only important to hold on to past traditions, which can bring comfort, but to also create new traditions that bring healing. For children, encourage them to write a letter to their loved one and put it in a balloon and release it to heaven.

Find a healthy support system. Talk with friends or family who are compassionate and will be there for you. You are not alone in your sadness. Many people struggle, so get to know others whom you can relate to when you’re down. Spend time with others who will encourage you. Supportive people are so vital to helping you move forward. Find a church or support group where you can be with positive people. A counselor can be a person you can go to if it’s difficult to confide in family members. Some individuals also benefit from anti-depressant medications.

Prioritize what is important to you. Don’t fall into the trap of overindulging this year. There is great pressure with commercialization of the holidays to overspend when you are stressed. Financial problems only heighten anxiety and lead to further problems when the credit card bills start coming in after the New Year. Others may turn to excessive drinking to escape pain. Alcohol is a depressant and will only make the situation worse. Overeating to handle your feelings can lead to an unhealthy cycle of guilt and shame. Keep all things in moderation.

Help others. Reach out to others and help someone who is going through a rough time. Invite someone to your home who is alone during the holidays, take the time to call a friend who is depressed, serve at a local charity, or give to a struggling family with gifts or food. When we take care of others, the benefits are two-fold; we feel blessed by meeting their needs, and they are recipients of a blessing.

Have hope. Hope is so vital to who we are and where we are going. Hold onto hope, because without it, life becomes very oppressive. Seasons come and go, and this season will soon pass, but look for the miracles in the everyday. Simple pleasures, small joys and a kind word will help as you face new challenges this holiday season.

by Katherine Gurley, MA, LPC, LCDC

Katherine is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor. She graduated from Texas A&M University with a Bachelor of Psychology degree and completed her Master of Arts in Professional Counseling at West Texas A&M. She has worked at the NWTHS Pavilion, Safe Place domestic violence shelter, and the Presbyterian Children’s Home. Katherine currently has her own private practice working with teens and adults. She lives in Amarillo with her husband and two children.

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