photo courtesy of Sejal Photos

Colorful Rites

Amarillo’s cultural diversity emanates through ethnic weddings

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Making History

A Winning Tradition

From the Ground Up

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Weddings are about observing traditions, professing love and uniting two souls and their families. The tossing of the bouquet, the white wedding dress, the cutting of the cake and the first kiss are just a few of the time-honored rituals we associate with an archetypal American wedding.

Around the world and in Amarillo, however, a wealth of other cultures rich in their own traditions exists. In the Laotian community, the bride and groom feed each other hard-boiled eggs, rice and water during a Buddhist ceremony. To symbolize an Indian couple’s married status in a Hindu wedding, the groom ties a necklace around the bride’s neck as opposed to exchanging rings.

We may interpret another culture’s matrimonial celebrations as foreign or out of the ordinary, but the heart of tying the knot is analogous in every society. No matter the ritual, race or religion, a solemn pledge, a mutual promise, an “I do,” translates in every language: For better or for worse, ’till death do us part.

Donna and Ratt Makkhavane
photos courtesy of Michael Norris

April 28 was the date chosen for Donna and Ratt Makkhavane’s wedding. Based on the lunar calendar, the elders, older family members and those deserving of respect, deemed it “an appropriate day, a good day” for the Laotian couple to marry after dating for more than a decade.

“I think we were [our parents’] only spark of hope for a full-blown traditional Lao wedding,” Donna says of her and Ratt, both the eldest of the children. “We were the suckers.”

The two met through association in the 1990s and became friends. Ratt tried playing matchmaker with Donna and his younger brother, a fellow classmate at Palo Duro High School, but alas, it was he who ended up falling for her.

Ratt, who is four years Donna’s senior, went off to Texas Tech University to study marketing while Donna continued her high school education. A time before cell phones were a mandatory accessory, Donna and Ratt kept their romance alive through more creative routes.

“We literally mailed letters to each other,” Donna announces.

“I still have all of mine,” Ratt remarks with raised eyebrows.

“There’s something about letters,” she excitedly shares. “It’s just easier to express yourself and really get to know each other.”

Donna and Ratt were content in their relationship and would rather have eloped, but their parents were dead set on a traditional Laotian wedding. At the core, it’s a family affair, not just about the bride and groom, in which designated hosts and hostesses more or less “sponsor” the festivities, Donna says. For example, members of her family provided the rice, wedding cake and music at the reception.

“The true essence of it is for the bride and groom to honor the families. You’re not just marrying the two, you’re actually marrying the whole family,” she explains.

Donna was born in the United States and considers herself “Americanized,” making the incorporation of Western, American traditions into a customary Buddhist wedding challenging.

After fleeing Laos, Ratt’s parents found asylum in a refugee camp in Thailand and that’s where he was born. Originally Buddhist, Ratt and his family converted to Christianity after settling in the states. He grew up in the Church of Christ, where his father became a minister. However, upon marrying Donna, Ratt converted to Buddhism.

To properly throw a Lao wedding, everyone, and that means everyone, in the Laotian community must be invited. Donna sent out more than 800 wedding invitations. They rented more than 1,000 chairs for the reception, yet people were still forced to stand outside the activity center at the Wat Lao Buddharam of Amarillo.

“The louder, the better. The more people, the merrier. That’s kind of the whole concept,” Donna laughs as if entertaining and feeding more than 1,000 guests was a cinch, shrugging off the fact she planned her wedding during the extent of their engagement – a mere two months.

When the baci, the name given to special occasions that involve the “calling and binding of the spirits,” arrived, wedding festivities kicked off with the groom’s parade, the hae keuy, which consisted of Ratt and his entourage marching to the bride’s home as he officially asked for Donna's hand.

Gatekeepers, consisting of the bride’s female relatives, guard the home and demand the groom state his purpose for visiting, and ask, “What are you doing here? Where do you come from?” Ratt proved his worth by taking a shot of liquor with the gatekeepers and bargaining the bride-price, which is a form of respect and exchange.

Donna’s exact price was $9,999.99, a number considered auspicious because of the nine in the front and a nine in the back. Unlike an American wedding, the groom’s family, rather than the bride’s family, finances the festivities.

Ratt explains that in Laos, a common bride price is farm animals and gold, but he had to improvise for his negotiation. Instead of supplying a cow and pigs, he and his family paid for enough meat to feed the entire community and in the place of gold, Ratt offered gold jewelry such as 24-karat gold bracelets and a wedding ring. Before Ratt could cross the threshold, an unmarried, childless woman had to cleanse his feet before commencing with the intimate ceremony of about 70 people.

“The minute you sit down it’s a war,” Donna states in a serious voice. “It was a push and tug, nudging type of war because they believe that whoever makes the first touch and the first nudge between the bride and groom, that person is going to have more control in the relationship.”

Donna outsmarted Ratt. “I stood my ground though,” Ratt firmly asserts.

Toward the end of the spiritual baci, members of the party tie white strings around the bride and groom’s wrists in hopes the spirits stay with them throughout the marriage. The strings cannot be cut with scissors, but must be untied or fall off on their own.

While the ceremony strictly followed tradition, Donna and Ratt were able to integrate Western rituals into the elaborate extravaganza that followed.

“We kind of put in a bit of Western flare in there,” Ratt says.

The all-you-can-eat and all-you-can-drink celebration lasts all night and usually into the morning. A wedding cake was included at the Makkhavane reception, but the couple fed each other the customary hard-boiled egg, symbolizing fertility, rice and water during the ceremony.

Donna changed out of her sinh, a silk skirt and blouse, and donned a white wedding dress overlayed with a sari. Ratt exchanged his silk shirt and salong, or “MC Hammer pants,” as Donna likes to call them, for a suit. The couple also enjoyed a first dance.

“Once all the traditions and customs end, the food and drink just keep pouring and pouring,” Donna exclaims, gesturing with her hands. “When there’s a wedding, it’s a community celebration."

Payal and Kush Nathu
photos courtesy of Sejal Photos

Three years ago, when Payal and Kush Nathu locked eyes for the first time at his cousin’s wedding in India, the meeting was less than earth-shattering. Payal’s initial impression of Kush was that of a young man who was silly, gregarious and not ready to settle down.

“We didn’t really spark anything then. We didn’t think much of it at all,” Payal sweetly discloses, peering at her husband sitting next to her. He doesn’t seem to disagree.

Their families were already acquainted, as his mother and her father attended school together in India. The two were introduced and a subsequent courtship was encouraged by the family, but it was up to Payal and Kush to make a connection.

“We didn’t necessarily get arranged, per say,” Kush begins, searching for the right words. “We met, we talked, our families knew about each other, they wanted us to get together but we were like, ‘I don’t know.’ But in the end, it all worked out. It was [our] call.”

It’s the definition of a love marriage; the union was not forced, but rather approved. When Kush’s cousin’s wedding festivities ended, Payal returned to Eugene, Ore. and Kush came back to his hometown of Amarillo. They soon began to chat online and speak on the phone and after two years, the couple realized that they were ready to take the next step. They’re families, of course, gave them their blessing.

“We thought this would be the right move,” says Kush, a graduate of Ascension Academy. “We had a lot of things in common and whatever differences we did have, they complemented the other.”

Although their union was agreed upon, Kush shocked Payal, surprising her at the airport and proposing at the 2010 BCS Championship game. (Payal graduated from the University of Oregon.)

Planning the elaborate wedding was an outstanding undertaking, but much to Kush’s relief, the planning is entirely up to the bride and her family, every aspect from food and drink to accommodations.

“It was very stressful because it’s so many people you’re planning for,” Payal softy speaks up, referring to the 800-plus guests in attendance.

A Hindu marriage is considered a sacrament and is the highest social bond formed by a man and a woman. Payal decided to follow the ceremony of the Gujarati, which is distinguished by its elaborate customs and grand details. The Nathu’s wedding took place over the course of three days, beginning on Aug. 13 this past year. On the first day, women gathered to perform the henna ceremony.

Members of the bridal party and female relatives participate in the mehndi, or application of henna, and illustrate intricate designs onto the bride’s skin, on the hands up to her elbows and on her feet down to her toes. According to Hindu beliefs, the darker the reddish brown dye, the stronger the bond and marriage.

The second day calls for covering the couple in turmeric. In their respective homes, family members cover the bride and groom in a yellow paste combined with the spice turmeric, yogurt and water. The mixture remains on the bride and groom for one day and when it’s removed, their skin radiates with a golden glow.

The third day was the official ceremony. Traditional wedding festivities can last for weeks, but today less time is invested to perform them, the couple explains. Payal was required to fast the day of the wedding until Kush officially accepted her as his bride, prompting her mother to feed them.

Dressed in traditional garb, Payal, garnished with jewels and makeup, wore a choli and Kush donned a sherwani, lustrous red (signifying fertility), white (representing purity), and gold clothing adorned with ornate beading. To accommodate all of their guests, Payal and Kush held their wedding at the Hilton in Eugene.

With the celebration under way, a procession of friends and family sang and danced around the venue in a parade, the baraat, as Kush, two of his first cousins and sister rode in a horse-drawn buggy, his parents walking closely behind.

As Kush was welcomed, called the ponkvu, the priest stacked two bowls in the shape of an egg for Kush to crush in order to prove he was a strong man and could overcome any obstacles he and Payal may encounter throughout their marriage. The groom is expected to smash the bowls in one stomp.

“You get a second chance,” chuckles Kush, who didn’t need another shot. “But people would consider it not good luck if you can’t crush it with your foot the first try.”

Next, Payal approached Kush with a garland of red and white flowers in hand and a game, the jai mala, ensues as Payal must place the garland around Kush’s neck while his party helps him dodge her. Kush’s friends and family lifted him up as he tried to avoid commitment, but Payal caught him.

When Kush entered the venue, he had to surrender his shoes and Payal’s sisters, her literal sisters and female cousins were required to steal them. Kush and his family bargained with the bride’s family to retrieve the footwear because he couldn’t depart the ceremony without his shoes. Kush calculates he spent $100 buying back his shoes and $1,200 cash in total for additional games.

Payal’s maternal uncle walked her down the aisle to seat her next to the groom in an arrangement Kush compares to the throne of a king and queen. This element of the ceremony is called the Kanya Agamana.

The maternal uncle and aunt sit next to the bride and groom while the parents sit in the audience. A curtain, the anrarpaat, prevented Payal and Kush from seeing each other. When the anrarpaat was raised, Kush smudged vermillion, a red powder, on Payal’s forehead, pushing his thumb all the way back through her hair, symbolizing his acceptance of her and rite of passage.

Instead of exchanging rings, Kush placed a mangalsutra, a sacred thread or necklace of goodwill, around Payal’s neck to symbolize her status as a married woman. A bride is supposed to wear the mangalsutra until the husband dies.

The bride and groom then walked to the sacred fire for the Saptapadi or Saat Phere in which the newlyweds seek the blessings of Agnideva, the god of fire. The priest conducts the ritual as the bride and groom circumambulate, or phera, the fire seven times as they invoke the gods, chant and pray with each subsequent phera. The first six pheras, the groom trails the bride and on the seventh phera, the positions are reversed and whoever sits in their seat first rules the family.

“She fell off her seat,” Kush points out, mischief consuming his face.

“Nooo,” Payal coolly cuts him off. “I sat down first. I knew it was coming, usually the girl knows it’s coming, so she’ll be really close to her seat and my brothers and them will cover his seat. But I knew it was coming so I sat down first.”

“She actually, she fell. She really did and landed on the seat. It was actually quite hilarious. And I ended up sitting on both seats.”

“Noooo,” she clucks with agitation, giving him the eye.

In a Hindu wedding, the reception is held the night before, but there is an additional party following the ceremony. Afterwards, the bride is supposed to accompany the groom to his home. Departing from Eugene, Payal accompanied Kush on the 30-hour journey back to Amarillo where she would embark on a new journey, leaving her conventional family for a more contemporary one.

“The transition is hard for the bride usually for the first year or two,” Payal meekly says. “It was hard at first because I come from a very family-oriented, religious family… and his family is very modern... The lifestyle is completely different for me.”

Payal says she is still adjusting to her new lifestyle. While it may not have been love at first sight for Payal and Kush, the couple says they now understand they were meant to be together.

“If you find that right person, do you really want to let that person go? Do you really want to take a chance of playing along, ‘One day, one day,’ then never actually have that one day come and losing that person?” Kush eagerly asks. “I’m not a person to let an opportunity go and I felt the opportunity of having somebody great in my life and that’s why I decided this is what I want for me for the rest of my life.”

Payal says nothing in response, but lowers her gaze, her lips curling slightly upward.

by Drew Belle Zerby

After graduating from LSU in 2009, Drew Belle worked as a page designer in north Louisiana until moving to Amarillo and joining AGN Media in late 2010. In her spare time, she loves to read, travel and spout out useless movie trivia.