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Battlefield of the Mind

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Women deal with various pressures, both externally and internally, that can cause depression, anxiety and fear. When the pressures are identified, then there can be change and hope.

External Pressures
• Media – Internet, television and movies continually provide images of women who have got it made. Women who can stay fit and fabulous at any age, perfectly balance career and children and have a great love life. The media distorts reality and sets ideals that are unattainable.
• Comparisons – Women compare themselves to other women to see if they have what it takes to be an excellent wife, mother, career woman or friend. This tension is often unspoken but the pressure is there. Women may feel that they live in the shadows of other more important or successful women.
• Body image and insecurities – There are so many ways to become beautiful, such as tummy tucks, face lifts, spa treatments and tanning beds.
• Trying to find one’s place – Many women desire to make a difference and to be known for who they are and how they contribute to the lives of others.
• Relationships - Women thrive off of relationships, whether good or bad, so it is important that a woman surrounds herself with those who are encouraging, trustworthy and faithful.

Internal Pressures
• Negative Self-Talk – Patterns of talking to yourself in an unhealthy and harsh way
• Mindreading – Assuming to know what others are thinking and perceiving it to be negative
• Should’ve, Could’ve, Would’ve – Blaming yourself and holding onto the past
• Half-Empty Glass Mentality – Unable to see the good in life

How do you overcome these pressures?

First realize that the mind is a battleground and it’s a fight to overcome the natural tendency to believe the worst. There is great freedom that comes from changing our negative thought patterns and believing the truth rather than lies. Lies and distortions can keep you stuck an unhealthy pattern. The truth is that women are valuable, worthwhile and important. This is not a self-inflated grandiosity but an acknowledgement that each of us as human beings is unique and has purpose and talents. The heart can get set on what it believes to be true but the perception is often wrong, especially when one thinks, “It’s too late for me or nothing good will ever happen for me.”

There is a big difference between beliefs and thoughts. Thoughts are in the brain with words and language attached, whereas a belief is in the heart. The phrase “As a man believeth in his heart, so is he” rings true. A belief has no language, but is more of a sense. Beliefs are much harder to change than thoughts because a belief is the underlying layer after deciding to change negative thoughts. If you ultimately believes that you are not important, then you will live with the fruit of that lie—depression, hopelessness and loneliness. The opposite is also true. If the belief is one that offers hope, worth and value, then the fruit of that belief is confidence and security.

Many assumptions are unfounded and not based in reality. Do not be a woman who mind reads. The tendency to start worrying over a perceived wrong may end up not being at all what you thought it was. Don’t beat yourself up over things already done. Criticizing and critiquing things in your mind over and over does no good. Don’t spend your energy playing mind games in your head. Fix what you can and then make the conscious decision to forgive yourself and others when needed. Turn off the TV and the computer. It’s important to be careful what information is put into your mind. Take a break from all extra pressures and focus on yourself.

Learn to look for the good in life and not dwell on the bad. Make a true effort to see the glass half-full. Our minds often forget about good things that have happened and continually focus on what went wrong. Picture a mental filter where all the good is strained off and the negative or bad is left. The filter needs to be flipped upside down so you can let the negative go and hold on to what is uplifting, encouraging or positive.

Find a healthy support system through family members who encourage you and see the good in you. Friends can be very valuable at helping sort through things if there is openness and honesty. Counseling can also help you see how to change beliefs that are destructive and keep focused on the truth. An outside perspective can offer something different and spur on change.

After labeling the internal and external pressures that affect you and healthy ways to sort through your thoughts, it is important to realize that in all of the mind’s battles we can overcome and be victorious. There is always hope for one who wants to change and grow. Our minds and hearts are strong and can become even stronger when we decide to find the truth and live by it. In fact, the truth will always win out over a lie.

by Katherine Gurley, MA, LPC, LCDC

Katherine is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor. She graduated from Texas A&M University with a Bachelor of Psychology degree and completed her Master of Arts in Professional Counseling at West Texas A&M. She has worked at the NWTHS Pavilion, Safe Place domestic violence shelter, and the Presbyterian Children’s Home. Katherine currently has her own private practice working with teens and adults. She lives in Amarillo with her husband and two children.